In Which I Imagine Terrorizing Foreigners for Not Liking Cat Power

Me: What are you listening to?
Janitor: Is Bulgarian pop.
Me: Can I listen?
Janitor: You will not like it.
Me: Maybe I will.

I look down at my iPod which is on shuffle and skip ahead til I find a song representative of my music, Cat Power covering Bob Dylan's "Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again".  I put my earbud in his ear and put his earbud in my ear.

I like his Bulgarian pop.  Synthy, with clashing electric guitars.  It has a strong rhythm.  I nod my head to it and then play air guitar, because this will seem to him sincerer than just nodding and saying I like it.  He laughs at my air guitar and I smile.

Me: Do you like my music?
Janitor: Shrugs and smiles.
Me: No?
Janitor: I am a man.
Me: So you can't listen to a woman singer?
Janitor: Laughs uncomfortably, shrugs and half-nods.  I am a man, I don't listen to women singers.  But I am not racist.
Me: Sexist?
Janitor: Yes, sexist.  I am not.

I should have said to my co-worker, "Don't worry, this song was originally written by a man.  It's okay if you enjoy it."  Then I should have paused and said, "Just kidding, if you like the song it means you are a woman inside which means you're gay."  Then I should have paused and said, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."  Then I should have paused and said, "Just kidding, I'm telling everyone." 

When he protested and said, "But I did not enjoy the song!  Cat Power's voice is not for everyone!  This has nothing to do with gender politics!  And also it's hypocritical of you to imply that it's wrong to be afraid of seeming gay then threaten to use this fear against me!" I should have said, "What?"  When he repeated himself, I should have said, "What?"  When he repeated himself, exasperated, a third time, I should have said, "What?"  Then I should have felt bad that I resorted to such an immature tactic in such a hypothetical conversation.